Let’s start from the beginning… My first love or the beginning of a descent into hell.
Who among us doesn’t remember their first love? Some were lucky; their soulmate was their first love. But at the same time, if we don’t have other experiences, how can we evaluate or appreciate what we have? I ponder these questions, but everyone has their own perspective.
My first love, I met him when I was 20 years old (he was 19 at the time). We were still students and lived in different countries, even continents. We had a long-distance relationship for 4 years.
Our reunions were like honeymoons during our trips. Passion, love, and desire were strongly present. We texted and called each other every hour. Then, in the evening, we would chat on MSN (yes, it’s that old!). We occasionally had video calls, and sometimes we even slept with the camera on, as if we were sharing the bed.
I was on cloud nine; we always had something to talk about. We were never bored together. He made me feel alive even from a distance. I believed I had found the man of my dreams, with whom I would grow old in happiness and love. We even chose the names for our future children.
And to top it all off, he proposed to me. What better way to celebrate this fairytale? I was the happiest woman on the planet. My life revolved around this man and his love. I gave up my plans to finish my studies at a prestigious school in Paris and started the process of enrolling in a university in his country. I was ready to give up everything to follow him wherever he wanted.
During our last trip in July 2010, we discussed wedding preparations. Everything went well. Our nights at the hotel were passionate. Our physical pleasures were enchanting. We spent hours in bed, giving each other pleasure, sometimes emotionally, sometimes sexually. Our bodies loved and intertwined, forming a single entity, a sacred union, or so I believed.
Everything seemed perfect until then, and yet…
After that trip, my future husband started to become distant. He missed some of our evening calls, claiming he was working on an important business and had unavoidable appointments. His messages and calls became less frequent. He suddenly became cold, distant, and even aggressive. But every time I confronted him about this sudden change in attitude, he blamed it on stress and work (business).
Doubt crept into my mind, and my heart felt heavy. I felt that the story was more complicated than just work stress. One day, he told me he was going to spend 4 days in a mountain chalet for a mini retreat where he would focus on meditation to release all the stress he was experiencing. The goal was for me not to disturb him during those 4 days. It was the first time, in our 4 years together, that we would spend more than a day without talking. And that’s when all the alarm bells went off in my head. I didn’t react at that moment, but my mind was already in Inspector Gadget mode! I started thinking about how to decipher what was happening, knowing that I was thousands of kilometers away from him.
I had never done it before, but I logged into his email account. He hadn’t even given me his password; I guessed it on the first try because I knew him by heart. And there, I discovered what had put an end to this love!
Not only was he involved in dubious affairs, but he was also cheating on me with a girl I had never heard of. I had their pictures and the emails they exchanged. He was having a long-distance relationship with her and was sending her plane tickets to join him in his country. They had pictures together, enjoying their time and seemingly in perfect love. My shock was indescribable. I felt like I was dying with every second I spent reading what he wrote to her and so I saw my dreams crumble, my life come to a halt, and my dignity being wounded.
I understood the reason behind his change in attitude. When I called him to confront him, all he had to say was to beg me not to ruin his life. After dedicating four years to this love, that was all I deserved! No excuses, no regrets or remorse, he only cared about his own life!
After the shock, I decided to stay strong and not succumb to depression. I wanted to show the world that I was so strong that this breakup wouldn’t destroy me. It was a fatal mistake because I neglected a crucial step in the healing process after a breakup, which is to mourn. As a result, I made the wrong decisions that led to my next romantic failure, which I will share with you next week.
For those curious about what happened next in this story, there is indeed a continuation! He contacted me nine months after the breakup to talk about the memories he cherished from our relationship. He spoke about it with a lot of nostalgia. However, I ignored him. He then reappeared after my divorce and even proposed getting back together. I obviously refused. He continued to deny the affair with the girl in the photos. So, eight years later, he was still lying. He was not worthy of my trust or love. Life hasn’t been kind to him. He has had his share of misfortunes. I hold no grudges against him, but he means nothing to me anymore. He still texts me occasionally, in a friendly manner, but our romance is now a thing of the past.
See you next week for another story… The story of the worst decision of my life!
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